so far

Today the rain is bringing me down.

2010 horoscope

I think everyone should always have an improbable quest playing at the edges of their imagination -- you know, some heroic task that provokes deep thoughts and rouses noble passions even if it also incites smoldering torment. I'm talking about an extravagant dream that's perhaps a bit farfetched but not entirely insane; a goal that constantly rouses you to stretch your possibilities and open your mind further; a wild hope whose pursuit makes you smarter and stronger even if you never fully accomplish it. The coming year would be an excellent time to keep such an adventure at the forefront of your awareness.

today

Today I made all my meals for the week, went to the gym, made a mix cd, had roommate Christmas, watched Sabrina, and wrote thank-you cards. And it snowed!

This weekend Logan and I went to hang out with my family for Christmas. So good to get away, and it ruled having my bf along. I also finally watched District 9, Wall-E, and the Dark Knight. Wall-E and D9 were amazing.

I wish we were still eating my grandma's food and walking my mom's dog. Back to work tomorrow. ho-hum.

stolen from fraeuleinzucker.blogspot.com

mas christmas eve

christmas eve

I feel perfectly content. I had some pretty hectic days at work but I am proud of myself for getting through it.

Things that are good:
-I bought myself new sheets, a new comforter, and a new duvet cover. I've had the same old comforter for many years, and it hasn't been white for many years, even after taking it to the dry cleaners. I LOVE my new stuff. I feel so fresh and clean and new in bed.
-Only ten more hours of work and I get to go to Idaho for Christmas.
-Things feel good with Logan AND I get to spend Christmas with him.
-My roommates rule. I am so grateful I have such a good living situation.
-The fog tonight was awesome and beautiful.
-I treated myself to a new book and some bath salts at the grocery store.

Hurray.

baby elephant

Jezebel put up a picture of a 2 day old elephant today.

bonnie&clyde

WHENYOUTELLTHELIONS that you love them.

I've listened to this song about 20 times today.




POEM

Cascando

by Samuel Beckett

1.

why not merely the despaired of

occasion of

wordshed

is it not better abort than be barren

the hours after you are gone are so leaden

they will always start dragging too soon

the grapples clawing blindly the bed of want

bringing up the bones the old loves

sockets filled once with eyes like yours

all always is it better too soon than never

the black want splashing their faces

saying again nine days never floated the loved

nor nine months

nor nine lives

2.

saying again

if you do not teach me I shall not learn

saying again there is a last

even of last times

last times of begging

last times of loving

of knowing not knowing pretending

a last even of last times of saying

if you do not love me I shall not be loved

if I do not love you I shall not love

the churn of stale words in the heart again

love love love thud of the old plunger

pestling the unalterable

whey of words

terrified again

of not loving

of loving and not you

of being loved and not by you

of knowing not knowing pretending

pretending

I and all the others that will love you

if they love you

3.

unless they love you

5 days til christmas

Some things have happened. What can I say? This weekend was good. Logan took me to see Coco Before Chanel and he bought me the best steak in Portland at Jake's.
We went to see a motorcycle race on ice and it gave me a headache.
Oh yeah and on Friday night I ate tons of chocolate and drank beer and opened up presents by the fire.
So far we've watched A Colbert Christmas, Elf, and Christmas Vacation.

I like it when Zooey Deschanel sings "I was never enough but I can try to toughen up" and "if he burns you let him go."

best horoscope

Cancer
I'm hoping that you will get out more in 2010. And I mean way out. Far out. Not just out to the unexplored hotspots on the other side of town (although that would be good), but also out to marvelous sanctuaries on the other side of paradise. Not just out to the parts of the human zoo where you feel right at home, but also out to places in the urban wilderness where you'll encounter human types previously unknown to you. In conclusion, traveler, let me ask you this: What was the most kaleidoscopic trip you've ever taken? Consider the possibility of surpassing it in the next 12 months.

i'm late to work!

tUnE-YaRdS "Fiya" from dublab on Vimeo.

you are what you love

Charlie Kaufman: There was this time in high school. I was watching you out the library window. You were talking to Sarah Marsh.
Donald Kaufman: Oh, God. I was so in love with her.
Charlie Kaufman: I know. And you were flirting with her. And she was being really sweet to you.
Donald Kaufman: I remember that.
Charlie Kaufman: Then, when you walked away, she started making fun of you with Kim Canetti. And it was like they were laughing at *me*. You didn't know at all. You seemed so happy.
Donald Kaufman: I knew. I heard them.
Charlie Kaufman: How come you looked so happy?
Donald Kaufman: I loved Sarah, Charles. It was mine, that love. I owned it. Even Sarah didn't have the right to take it away. I can love whoever I want.
Charlie Kaufman: But she thought you were pathetic.
Donald Kaufman: That was her business, not mine. You are what you love, not what loves you. That's what I decided a long time ago.
Donald Kaufman: Whats up?
Charlie Kaufman: Thank you.
Donald Kaufman: For what?

michael hurley-the tea song

I am sorting out my tapes and this song came on. Beautiful.


Turn on the tea and let it brew
I like six cups not one or two
My nerves are shaking and my heart is breaking
It's just because of all the tea I take
Bring out the cups and honey too
Turn on the tea and let it brew
I don't care that she's left me
Just so long as the cupboard's full of tea
Poor old Budda turned into stone
That's why I drink tea alone
Budda made of stone and his eyes are ruby
But his thoughts and dreams are distilled in the tea
I'll drink my tea and sit and drink
Conjure up the leprechaun to dance on the steel
I'm drinking my tea and it's getting late
Thought I heard somebody pass my gate
I don't know and I wonder what's to become of me
Sitting up all night listening to the CBC

internacional

This is the sexiest song ever. A woman with a Spanish accent listing cities in this world is a sweet sweet lullaby to my tired ears:



Sabina Sciubba, speaker of six languages and singer from Brazilian Girls:

Dutchess and the Duke

David got into town and we ate BBQ at Russell St and went to see the Dutchess and the Duke.
I had a giant crush on Kimberly Morrison. She was totally adorable.... simple outfit, messy ponytail, chugging wine and beer, great voice, laughing and smiling... I turned into a mushy fangirl.
Look, here she is:




They were super good, I love their voices together.
The best song live was I am Just a Ghost. The sound quality of this video does not do it justice.

And they played my favorite song last, Armageddon Song.
I guess it's the nature of the opening bands and of the Doug Fir, but the whole night was pretty mellow. I was expecting something a little more high-energy, and maybe I thought they'd stand up to play, but oh well.

friday-Glass Candy w/Dave

Friday 11/20--

I woke up at 7:20 to take a shower and get ready for work at TPI. Some people (Logan and Dave) had their doubts, but I got to work showered, caffeinated, and on time with a bagel in hand. I had a great day at work, it was mellow as hell and it was nice to be surrounded by adults instead of teenage girls.

After work I went over to Logan's and we watched the Sopranos and enjoyed having his house to ourselves (all his roommates were already moved out). Eventually I made it to Rotture with Dave to see Glass Candy. The crowd was insanely weird and I felt uncomfortable. Dave and I sat down. Dave tried to talk about life and people and I wasn't in a great mood at all, so the conversation was kind of stilted. Luckily, some guy that we met the night before showed up and Dave smoked weed with him and became extremely euphoric and agreeable. Aaron showed up too. I didn't have a great time at the show. I was tired, it was way too packed, and I didn't like the music that much.

Later we met Logan at Chopsticks where he was doing karaoke with some friends. We sat through some horrible singing. On the way out I noticed I had a flat tire. We spent what seemed like three hours trying to get my spare on. I was extremely nervous and irritable the whole time.

dave and tube

Uh-oh, I haven't updated and now I am so behind I can't remember what I've been doing.

Thursday night 11/19:
Between work days I decided to go out with Dave instead of going to bed because I thought it would be his last night in town. We met Kait and some of her friends at the River City Grill. By the time we got there it was last call so Dave dumped some rum from my flask into an Arnold Palmer. After that we went to Valentines and got a drink with Kait's friend while she walked somebody else home. It was one of the first nights I had off while Logan had to be at work, so I brought him a doughnut from Voodoo Doughnuts.

After Voodoo we walked to Tube and were immediately handed shots of tequila. I drank a lot and we danced a lot to soul music and Dave dropped an entire glass on the dance floor-- the shattering seemed to be in time with the music and it didn't bother anyone.

After that we drove to the food carts on Hawthorne and got some free poutine from Potato Champion. On the drive back to my house we sang along to Lightning Dust. We couldn't believe our luck from getting all the free stuff and the night felt perfect.

audrey hepburn and jean seberg

Roman Holiday and Breathless.

New Moon

Today for work I went to see New Moon with nine teenage girls. I am home now. I am too tired to process anything.

neon indian

Friends of Trees smashed my window in. Dave got into town and we walked to Mississippi Studios. Got there for the last two Guidance Counselor songs and saw Neon Indian after that. Great crowd. Heard someone say "this sounds like a gay space dance" and he was totally right.

exorcise these tongue-tied worries

North Coast Seed Company

I made cookies, soup, and cranberry bread. I took a bath and read Stranger in a Strange Land. I didn't feel like going out but forced myself to.
I went to a birthday party in a warehouse that had art, free food and drinks, and a dj.
It looked like this


Then I went to the Florida Room, where I frowned and texted. After that I went to a party for fifteen minutes and then left. Then I went to bed at 4:30am.

I am not trying. I have watched The Sopranos seasons 2-5 this last week. I am in bed. I am listening to Ambling Alp (Memory Tapes Remix) by Yeasayer.

Edit: I got my head light replaced, my hair cut, and my eyebrows waxed. I talked to Dave about driving up to Seattle to bring him to Portland.

job-less?

Noisy Pig

Logan and I packed a picnic and planned to go on a five mile walk around Vancouver, WA. Instead it poured rain and we ate our picnic inside. And drank wine and ate cheese. And watched a million hours of the Sopranos with my roommates.

Eventually we went to a hot toddy party (I forgot to add the booze to mine, whoops) and then saw Noisy Pig at Rotture.

Silly Pepper music video from vacio on Vimeo.

Aaron met us there and later on we went to another dance party at the Matador. I heard the song "I'm the Shit and I'm up in this Bitch."

Warming Center

I woke up and met Logan at the gym. I tried to run on the treadmill but mostly walked. A show called Franny's Feet was on TV and I really liked it. From what I could tell, some little girl puts on shoes and they transport her somewhere where she talks to animals and learns something, comes back home with a trinket, and then her grandpa does something cute with her like go puddle jumping. She says stuff like "I wonder where my feet will take me today."

Afterwards I went home and put on purple tights and a black dress and went to a job interview. When I got home from that I made soup and read Where I'm Calling From by Raymond Carver.

At 7:30 I went to shadow a shift at the Transition Projects Warming Center. An empty office building where up to 90 people can sleep, eat ramen noodles, and play Monopoly. Including couples. I worked at the Warming Center full time last year and I saw a couple of the same people. We played Monopoly until I left at 11:30pm. I went to Rotture after that with Logan and the place was totally empty, so we left after one beer to go drink another beer at The Nest.

I did nothing on Thursday. I slept for a long time.

gamera vs guiron

Saw Gamera vs Guiron at the Hollywood Theatre. So awesome. Live dubbing and music and sound effects and a sing along.
Gamera vs Guiron... not to be confused with
El Guincho

Remember that picture that said "CALM DOWN EVERYTHING WILL BE OKAY"? Need to tell myself that while listening to El Guincho.
Mad stress at work. Won't be forever, right? Why worry? Need to be more like Alf.

HP LOVECRAFT

The more he withdrew from the world about him, the more wonderful became his dreams; and it would have been quite futile to try to describe them on paper. Kuranes was not modern and did not think like others who wrote. Whilst they strove to strip from life its embroidered robes of myth, and to shew in naked ugliness the foul thing that is reality, Kuranes sought for beauty alone. When truth and experience failed to reveal it, he sought it in fancy and illusion, and found it on his very doorstep, amid the nebulous memories of childhood tales and dreams.

There are not many persons who know what wonders are opened to them in the stories and visions of their youth; for when as children we listen and dream, we think but half-formed thoughts, and when as men we try to remember, we are dulled and prosaic with the poison of life. But some of us awake in the night with strange phantasms of enchanted hills and gardens, of fountains that sing in the sun, of golden cliffs overhanging murmuring seas, of plains that stretch down to sleeping cities of bronze and stone, and of shadowy companies of heroes that ride caparisoned white horses along the edges of thick forests; and then we know that we have looked back through the ivory gates into that world of wonder which was ours before we were wise and unhappy.

Dia de los Muertos

So I am trying to lose 2 pounds a week starting this month. I'm using fitday.com and I get 1,506 calories a day and sometimes I spend two hours looking at cookinglight.com.

Monday I woke up and went to my Spanish class, then I went to the grocery store, then I helped cook dinner, which was chicken with bacon and cider sauce. 257 calories.

I like fitday.com cause it tells you exactly what you've eaten, with pie charts. Like today I ate 20%protein and got 15% of the zinc I need.

9mths

On Sunday I woke up early and wanted to clean up from the party. I walked to Plaid Pantry to get some garbage bags and I saw 3 men standing on the side of the building with bags of recycling. I asked them if they wanted some cans and bottles. I told them it'd take me about twenty minutes to clean everything up and get the cans and bottles to them. They offered to help clean and I said I didn't feel comfortable having strangers come back with me. One man said, "I'm not going to stalk you or nothin'." He said, "Twenty minutes" and I confirmed it.
I went back to Logan's and put all the glass bottles in one bag and all the aluminum cans in another bag. I dragged the two bags back to the Plaid Pantry and a woman was at the side of the building with a small dog but the three men weren't there. I stood there for a moment, then left the two bags near a bench by the side of the building and started to walk away.
The woman with a small dog said, "Don't leave your trash there, we pay to have people take it away."
I said, "Oh, I told some people I'd give them my recycling so they can exchange it for money. They're not here so I'm going to leave it here for them."
She said, "We're trying to clean this area up. The cops were here awhile ago cleaning them all up. Leave the bags outside your house, someone will take them."
Then her small dog took a shit on the ground and she walked away. I walked ten feet away from the side of the building and left the two bags on the sidewalk there.

After that Logan woke up and I started feeling insanely sick. He drove me home and I barfed in the shower. I crawled into bed and made a shopping list: saltines, ginger ale, bread, grapes, peppermint tea. Logan went to the store and brought me home what I wanted. We ate toast and drank tea and napped. Later on we got Thai take-out from Monsoon on Mississippi (half restaurant, half laundromat.) We watched the movie I had from Netflix, Zodiac. Then we napped again and I woke up and had to go to work. It was our nine month anniversary.

Halloween

For Halloween I put on a pumpkin costume and ate pumpkin ravioli with Mary and she did my make-up for me. I went to Logan's house and saw Aaron and we drove to Simone and Kyndall's party and listened to Janet Jackson. We drove back to Logan's party and he was happy that people were dancing. I drank too much and tried to eat candy and I barfed and Logan fell asleep with his shoes on.

Timberline Lodge/The Burrito Place

When I was a little kid I wanted to drive on an interstate until the road ended as soon as I got my license. I have never done that, but a lot of times I do want to skip my destination (work, home) and just keep driving down the road.

On Friday I was so stoked to have a day off I wanted to drive to another town or state or country and I sent text messages to a few people asking if they were interested.

Mary got back to me with the idea of driving up to Timberline Lodge on Mt Hood. She said she'd pack us a lunch and that we could stop and walk down different trails on the way. So that's what we did, and it was beautiful and wonderful.

Once we got to the lodge we walked around in the snow (snow!) and fog and wandered inside to the bar. We drank hot beverages and looked out the window at the wind blowing the snow around and watched people taking wedding pictures below us by the huge fireplace.

A few hours later we drove back to Portland and ended up going to a restaurant called "The Burrito Place" that was having a karaoke Halloween party. The Burrito Place had free tacos and jello shots called "panny droppers." We were the youngest people there by at least ten years. The men were all hammered and the women were all drinking soda. One woman wearing scrubs looked particularly unhappy and bored and was holding her purse like she was ready to leave at any second, but her husband kept getting more and more drinks. She stared at the table and looked like she was on the verge of tears. When Mary sang "Love Shack" the woman smiled.

all work

Calcarea is prepared from the oyster-shell, and its origins tell us much about the psychology of the type. The oyster is one of the less dynamic creatures of the sea. It prefers to stay safely inside its shell, clinging to a rock for security. Inside its shell it is soft and amorphous, and its activities revolve around assimilating food and digesting it.

rut

Work was pretty insanely hectic so I had 3 Stellas when I got home, which for me is around 9 or 9:30am. Took a hot hot shower. Watched funny music videos.



Woke up and put on boots and lipstick. Ate chocolate ganache-covered pecans draped in marzipan (in the shape of a ghost) with a marshmallow jack-o-lantern. Couldn't stop laughing as I ate it. Drank a 2 below. Went by the Fred Meyers on 39th, that place is huge now that it's remodeled. I bought a prepackaged rice and sweet and sour chicken meal and used the microwave there. The dining area had a TV with Jay Leno playing, I watched his monologue. The guy next to me laughed at every joke.

Then, back to work. I've been watching Morgan Spurlock's 30 days. It's pretty good but it's no Errol Morris' First Person.

I'm in a bit of a rut.

bed blog

15 hour workday, 2 jobs, 1 hour rainstorm rush hour commute, 1 latte,
1 diet coke, 2 ibupfrofen, 2 hours missed spanish class
1 parking ticket, 3 slices of free pizza, 0 glasses of water,
1 hot shower, 8 hours until i have to be back at work


oh yeah and i forgot
teenage girls insult me, homeless men compliment my smile

St Johns Theatre/Zombieland

This afternoon Logan and I drove up to North Portland to explore. It was awesome seeing new stuff, like the Arbor Lodge New Seasons. We drove across the St Johns Bridge and parked by the St Johns Theatre and walked around a bit. It felt like we were out of town. Keeping up with scary movie month, we saw Zombieland. So fun and good! Just a nice day of exploring in drizzly weather.

Pumpkin Fest

+pumpkin pancakes
+pumpkin carving
+pumpkin soup
+pumpkin seeds
+pumpkin beer
+pumpkin ice cream
+pumpkin bread
+boggle
+sunny day
+cider and rum

-fell asleep at 7pm

Haxan, Let the Right One In

It rained all day and it's scary movie month.
Watched Haxan and Let the Right One In.

wikipedia:
Häxan (English title: The Witches or Witchcraft Through The Ages) is a 1922 Swedish/Danish silent film written and directed by Benjamin Christensen. Based partly on Christensen's study of the Malleus Maleficarum, a 15th century German guide for inquisitors, Häxan is a study of how superstition and the misunderstanding of diseases and mental illness could lead to the hysteria of the witch-hunts. The film was made as a documentary but contains dramatized sequences that are comparable to horror films. With Christensen's meticulous recreation of medieval scenes and the lengthy production period, the film was the most expensive Scandinavian silent film ever made, costing nearly two million Swedish krona. Although it won acclaim in Denmark and Sweden, the film was banned in the United States and heavily censored in other countries for what were considered at that time graphic depictions of torture, nudity, and sexual perversion.

Grace

Last night I made Logan a mix cd. It was really fun, I haven't made someone a mix cd in years. I listened to it after work on my way to the gym. I drove over the Burnside Bridge and the fog was so amazing over the river... and downtown. I wish I'd had my camera. This song was the best to drive to:

Oh and once I was downtown I saw this guy welding (?) something onto a building and tons of sparks showered down onto him. I wanted to watch forever but I didn't want to get in a car wreck.

Tonight Logan and I watched the movie Grace.

It was insanely disturbing. I have a weird relationship with horror movies. I need to read more theory... I just google searched and read this.
Now I'm in bed, wearing a red velvet one piece pajama suit that I got at a thrift store. My belly is full of cookies and I am thinking nice things about my boyfriend and I am happy it's the weekend. I feel happy. Thanks October 22nd. You were a good day.

be for me

, originally uploaded by ashley & traci.

The constant and memorable. I mean, momentary.

Be for Me.
[...] even the hardness,
of rain falling
will have for me

something other than this,
something not so insistent —
and I to be locked in this
final uneasiness.

Love, if you love me,
lie next to me.
Be for me, like rain,
the getting out

of the tiredness, the fatuousness, the semi-
lust of intentional indifference.
Be wet
with a decent happiness.

-- robert creeley

Happiness

My mom sent me a text message that said "Gerald had a very slight stroke sun. I guess & now noreen called. Expecting him to die today. All kids with him. Im going to shower then go be with jackie. She is confused. I love you."
I called my grandparents. My grandma said "Well, I'm going to lose my brother today." I said I'm sorry, that this has been a horrible week. She said, "He had a good life and was happy, that's how you have to look at it at this age." My grandpa said, "Do things while you're young."

I met Logan at the gym and we completed our third week and second day of running! yay. One more day to go this week and we're onto week four! We started the Couch-to-5k program and quit for awhile and have returned. I didn't want to do it at all this morning and I did.

I have this book by Charles Schulz that I got at Goodwill called "Happiness is a Sad Song." The last page says "Happiness is knowing you've made it through one more day."



Been listening to nothing but Lightning Dust for two days.

Moon

I left work early and slept through my training. I got a full, awesome, uninterrupted 10 hours of sleep. When I woke up Mary and I went to see the movie Moon at the Laurelhurst. It was really really good. Clint Mansell wrote the score (he did Requiem for a Dream too) and the music has been in my head all night.
Afterwards Mary and I went to the Peninsula Park rose garden. Most of the roses are dead, so it was a bunch of twigs and an occasional rose. The street lamps looked really nice with the mist in the air. We found an amazing tree with tons of leaves falling from it and tried to take a picture of Mary throwing them up in the air. It was hard to coordinate with my camera's flash, but fun to try.

takin care of business

Today I ruled by going to the gym after work and finally going back to Spanish class and also taking my cod liver oil. All those things were making me feel pretty invincible tonight when I was walking down the sidewalk. Then I took a step off a curb and fell down and skinned my knee. At work now. I am working until 1pm tomorrow. 12 hours to go. cups of coffee so far: one.

Liepold Farms

Logan, Sophie, Lillian, and I drove to Boring, OR to get a pumpkin from Liepold Farms. I took a sippy cup with spiced apple cider. Logan and I were fighting, Sophie was going on one hour of sleep, Lillian was worried about inconveniencing a friend because we were running late. The person we were following kept taking the wrong exits and changing lanes with no warning. Traffic was backed up a mile away from the farm entrance. When we got there we all stood around not quite sure what to do. I got a pumpkin milk shake and felt disgusted with myself 2/3 of the way through. I gave it to Logan. I asked him to take a picture of me in my orange shirt in front of a giant pumpkin with a pumpkin patch in the background. He included my whole body in the picture. My body looked pale, lumpy, fat, shapeless. I yelled at him for taking the picture wrong. "What do you want to do?" he kept asking. I said "I don't know." I did know-- I wanted to lay down in my bed with the lights off and cover myself up with blankets and stay there forever. Not be standing in mud, surrounded by screaming kids, hating the feel of my clothes and my body. He walked away and I looked at my phone and thought of texting Dave. At that moment my mom called. I answered and she said "Nancy died" and I said "I was just about to send her a card" and I started crying, hard. Logan gave me a hug and moved my sunglasses to wipe off my smeared make-up. Lillian ran up and asked, "Want to go in the corn maze?" and I said "Yes" and I bought tickets to a hay ride, too.

Grindhouse Film Fest

I went to see the 36 Chambers of Shaolin at the Hollywood Theater. Inspiring, right? I should be like that guy and jump in a pond a million times until I can do something right. Go into hiding and train for five years.

Kentucky

This morning in bed I started thinking about Kentucky, a restaurant in Buenos Aires, Argentina that I went to a lot. I went to Buenos Aires over a year ago and I never wrote about it, so I wanted to blog about this while it was in my mind. Seems like a good idea to try and record some memories before they all completely fade.

While I was there I lived in Almagro, on the corner of Mario Bravo and Lavalle.



I lived about five blocks from a restaurant called "Kentucky." Stephy took me there for the first time. She had gone there with Agustina and shared a huge milanesa and fries and a beer for crazy cheap. When we went we just got a couple slices of napolitana pizza, probably. Pizza in Argentina is very cheesy and thick and pretty bland. I started salting my pizza when I was there.

Stephy and I went there all the time. We had so much girl talk at that restaurant. Once we ordered some chicken to share and decided to get salad because we couldn't remember the last time we'd had vegetables. When it arrived (some measly lettuce and one tomato) we salted it and devoured it with our fingers. We asked for water from the tap (something unheard of, because they always give you bottled water and charge you) and they gave it to us. The waiters were incredibly nice and curious about us. Whenever one of us went separately, they'd ask where the other one was. They introduced themselves and asked where we were from. When I told one waiter that I had an accent that was impossible to understand, he said if someone wanted to and tried, they could. It's hard to explain but basically the vibe there was just patient and nice, not annoyed.

We often went there for dinner on "American time" which probably made us a rarity too. Whenever we went to eat, at 6pm or whenever, the place would be pretty empty (except for some people watching soccer.) Once we went there at midnight and it was so packed and bustling. I thought it was so incredible to be eating somewhere late at night and have it be so alive.

I had my last meal (other than the airport) at Kentucky. I went there with Sam and Kait right before a cab was supposed to come pick me up at my apartment. I don't remember eating anything but I got a liter of quilmes. The taxi called while I was still at the restaurant. I finished my beer and left.

Here are some pictures of a menu, the awesome pictures of food on the wall, and me and Estephy with a waiter.

oh please don't go we'll eat you up we love you

Today I saw Where the Wild Things are and then went to a park and played swords with sticks and threw clumps of grass and then tried on Halloween costumes and then took a nap.

Joey Comeau and Grizzly Bear

I went to see Joey Comeau and Zack Vandezande read from their books at Reading Frenzy. There was free beer and I was right next to the beer table, so I got a little tipsy. After the reading when Joey Comeau was signing my book I said things like "I had to wait a long time" and "I drank the free beer" and he said "feeling a little goofy eh?" He also said that maybe he had a speech impediment and not a Canadian accent. Zach Vandezande read some short stories that are on his blog and then he read from his book.... I LOVED his short stories a lot.



When that was over I went to see Grizzly Bear play at the Crystal Ballroom. I met Kait and a friend of hers there. The concert started really early and was over really early. We walked to Voodoo donuts afterwards and Kait and her friend talked about domain names. They shared their bacon maple bars with me and it was awesome. Then I conned Logan into picking me up and we watched part of Friday the 13th together. I fell asleep.... I am holding out for the 3rd one in 3d though.

A good time... two of my favorite things within like five blocks of each other on the same night. Portland rulez.

stuff that rules

pretty much everything on whorange.net but especially:

Mark Ryden's snow yak show

constellation embroidery


this chick (i want to be her)
ahhh 20 minutes until my weekend starts.

what i want for breakfast

With, you know.. a Starbucks dulce de leche latte and a McDonalds dulce de leche ice cream cone.
And these for good measure:

Sarah Vowell

I went to see Sarah Vowell on her Wordy Shipmates paperback tour at the Powell's in Beaverton. It was weird because that Powell's is in a mall. Also, apparently these high school kids in IB history got extra credit if they attended, so there were a ton of teenagers around. I had a seat in the back and couldn't hear or see that well. Plus it didn't seem that much different from just reading that book (which I thought was awesome) or seeing her on Jon Stewart last week. Then again, I was probably just antsy because my phone was dead and I was trying to find coverage for a work shift so I could take a last minute trip to San Francisco. I ended up leaving the reading early to call like five coworkers and see if they could cover for me. Nobody could. San Francisco would've been so awesome this weekend, I *just* read the line-up for the Treasure Island Music Festival last night and immediately started trying to figure out how to get there. Not to mention a friend just moved there so I'd have a place to stay, and the fact that I've wanted to visit SFO for a million years now... oh yeah, and a friend is driving down there tomorrow so we could've gone together. And, the whole I love Beirut SO MUCH and he is playing there and nowhere else. Ugh. Oh well.

Probably the best part of going to Powell's was the drive to-and-from. I hardly ever drive on the interstate and I always get lost-- but last night I drove on the interstate and didn't get lost. It was a beautiful night, rainy and warm and really bright. I love driving on the Fremont bridge.


When I got home my key broke off in the lock. The key looked so strange afterwards. I went to work early and every single girl was out of bed, they were all up and screaming about spirits and spiders. I read Stranger in a Strange Land and watched part of The Corpse Bride. I am soo tired, I dozed off during the movie and when I woke up my ass was completely numb. I have to snap out of it though so I can have fun tonight.

Mum's Kitchen.

The food carts in Portland rule. I finally went to the one super close to my house, Mum's Kitchen. It's owned by a woman who moved here from South Africa last year and she makes delicious South African/Indian food. She let me sample a ton of stuff and offered me a samoosa. While it was frying she asked if I'd ever been to South Africa. I said no and that I thought it wasn't safe for tourists. She replied that it wasn't, and that the violence was why she moved away. I think she said she was from Durban, which looks pretty cool.
When I got to work I skimmed the South Africa page on wikipedia. 52 people are murdered every day in South Africa. A woman born in South Africa has a greater chance of being raped than learning how to read.

I had some idea of that when we were talking but I didn't know how to mention it. She said she hoped that the World Cup in 2010 would improve things. She also said that a lot of people from South Africa are living in Portland, and that they all flock to her cart on the days when she makes lamb samoosas. I'm excited to try them after work.

Calcium Carbonate

Today I had a follow-up appointment with my naturopath. She said she had a few remedies in mind but she had a few questions first. She said this after I had been there for fifteen minutes..I thought my appointment was thirty minutes long, and that we were halfway through.

She asked, "What are your fears?" I can't remember what I said. Something like "saying the wrong thing?" probably. Or, you know, "having a worthless life?" She asked, "What are your interests and hobbies?" I said reading, literature, poetry, music, traveling, culture. "Why are they important to you?" Um.. because they express different ways of life, different experiences, they capture one moment or one feeling and create meaning (and stuff, I guess)...? She continued with stuff like: How do you feel about animals? Have you had any experiences with homesickness? Tell me about that. Was there anything in your childhood that was particiularly difficult? With every answer she would ask, "And what is the worst part about that?"

(I'm saying this to a woman I have only met one time before. I am sitting across the desk from her, she's staring at her laptop screen and typing. I've started staring at the floor and speaking more quickly and softly. I'm pausing to say "I don't know" and ending my sentences as questions. In between my answers I sit for a minute or more while she stares at the screen and then asks me another question.)

After two hours she decided on a mineral remedy: Calcarea Carbonica, or Calcium Carbonate. When I got home I typed "calcium carbanate homeopathy" into google and found the most insane website ever. It just has a huge index of ailments that can be treated with calcium carbonate, that sort of reads like a James Joyce poem from hell.

For example:
Same disagreeable idea always arouses from light slumber
Starts at every noise; fears that she will go crazy
Horrid visions when opening eyes
Ideas crowding in her mind prevent sleep
generalities; sensitive; intolerance of clothing;
cough; when playing music; playing piano; ;
mind; emotions, feelings, attitude, disposition;
boredom, dissatisfaction (see loathing of life); weary of life
(see boredom, dissatisfaction, loathing, etc.); while perspiring; ;
mind; desires, wants; desires to be mesmerised;
mind; emotions, feelings, attitude, disposition; sensitive,
oversensitive; horrible things, sad stories, affect her profoundly;

Other websites were simpler and said things like "flabby, sour smelling."

Maybe it's all bullshit (I don't really think that) but I've been in a tired and crappy mood since then (sad stories affect her profoundly). I've been focusing on this quote--“The strangest and most fantastic fact about negative emotions is that people actually worship them.” (P.D. Ouspensky)--and you know, trying not to do that. ESPECIALLY because I want to focus on doing stuff and stuff I like, not my mind; emotions, feelings, attitude, disposition; unhappy; sadness, mental depression;.

So after my appointment I made roasted autumn vegetable soup that ended up looking like turnip puke. Then I skipped my Spanish class and then I was mean to my sick boyfriend. Then I got in my car and had about six drags from a red Fantasia and listened to Robyn and drove to work. Now I'm sitting here drinking coffee and thinking the TS ELiot line from The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock in my head over and over again--
"I have measured out my life with coffee spoons."

ee cummings

"life, the question how do i drink dream smile

and how do i prefer this face to another and
why do i weep eat sleep--what does the whole intend"
they wonder. oh and they cry "to be, being, that i am alive
this absurd fraction in its lowest terms
with everything cancelled
but shadows
--what does it all come down to?     love?     Love
if you like and i like,for the reason that i
hate people and lean out of this window is love,love
and the reason that i laugh and breathe is oh love and the reason
that i do not fall into this street is love."