Halloween

For Halloween I put on a pumpkin costume and ate pumpkin ravioli with Mary and she did my make-up for me. I went to Logan's house and saw Aaron and we drove to Simone and Kyndall's party and listened to Janet Jackson. We drove back to Logan's party and he was happy that people were dancing. I drank too much and tried to eat candy and I barfed and Logan fell asleep with his shoes on.

Timberline Lodge/The Burrito Place

When I was a little kid I wanted to drive on an interstate until the road ended as soon as I got my license. I have never done that, but a lot of times I do want to skip my destination (work, home) and just keep driving down the road.

On Friday I was so stoked to have a day off I wanted to drive to another town or state or country and I sent text messages to a few people asking if they were interested.

Mary got back to me with the idea of driving up to Timberline Lodge on Mt Hood. She said she'd pack us a lunch and that we could stop and walk down different trails on the way. So that's what we did, and it was beautiful and wonderful.

Once we got to the lodge we walked around in the snow (snow!) and fog and wandered inside to the bar. We drank hot beverages and looked out the window at the wind blowing the snow around and watched people taking wedding pictures below us by the huge fireplace.

A few hours later we drove back to Portland and ended up going to a restaurant called "The Burrito Place" that was having a karaoke Halloween party. The Burrito Place had free tacos and jello shots called "panny droppers." We were the youngest people there by at least ten years. The men were all hammered and the women were all drinking soda. One woman wearing scrubs looked particularly unhappy and bored and was holding her purse like she was ready to leave at any second, but her husband kept getting more and more drinks. She stared at the table and looked like she was on the verge of tears. When Mary sang "Love Shack" the woman smiled.

all work

Calcarea is prepared from the oyster-shell, and its origins tell us much about the psychology of the type. The oyster is one of the less dynamic creatures of the sea. It prefers to stay safely inside its shell, clinging to a rock for security. Inside its shell it is soft and amorphous, and its activities revolve around assimilating food and digesting it.

rut

Work was pretty insanely hectic so I had 3 Stellas when I got home, which for me is around 9 or 9:30am. Took a hot hot shower. Watched funny music videos.



Woke up and put on boots and lipstick. Ate chocolate ganache-covered pecans draped in marzipan (in the shape of a ghost) with a marshmallow jack-o-lantern. Couldn't stop laughing as I ate it. Drank a 2 below. Went by the Fred Meyers on 39th, that place is huge now that it's remodeled. I bought a prepackaged rice and sweet and sour chicken meal and used the microwave there. The dining area had a TV with Jay Leno playing, I watched his monologue. The guy next to me laughed at every joke.

Then, back to work. I've been watching Morgan Spurlock's 30 days. It's pretty good but it's no Errol Morris' First Person.

I'm in a bit of a rut.

bed blog

15 hour workday, 2 jobs, 1 hour rainstorm rush hour commute, 1 latte,
1 diet coke, 2 ibupfrofen, 2 hours missed spanish class
1 parking ticket, 3 slices of free pizza, 0 glasses of water,
1 hot shower, 8 hours until i have to be back at work


oh yeah and i forgot
teenage girls insult me, homeless men compliment my smile

St Johns Theatre/Zombieland

This afternoon Logan and I drove up to North Portland to explore. It was awesome seeing new stuff, like the Arbor Lodge New Seasons. We drove across the St Johns Bridge and parked by the St Johns Theatre and walked around a bit. It felt like we were out of town. Keeping up with scary movie month, we saw Zombieland. So fun and good! Just a nice day of exploring in drizzly weather.

Pumpkin Fest

+pumpkin pancakes
+pumpkin carving
+pumpkin soup
+pumpkin seeds
+pumpkin beer
+pumpkin ice cream
+pumpkin bread
+boggle
+sunny day
+cider and rum

-fell asleep at 7pm

Haxan, Let the Right One In

It rained all day and it's scary movie month.
Watched Haxan and Let the Right One In.

wikipedia:
Häxan (English title: The Witches or Witchcraft Through The Ages) is a 1922 Swedish/Danish silent film written and directed by Benjamin Christensen. Based partly on Christensen's study of the Malleus Maleficarum, a 15th century German guide for inquisitors, Häxan is a study of how superstition and the misunderstanding of diseases and mental illness could lead to the hysteria of the witch-hunts. The film was made as a documentary but contains dramatized sequences that are comparable to horror films. With Christensen's meticulous recreation of medieval scenes and the lengthy production period, the film was the most expensive Scandinavian silent film ever made, costing nearly two million Swedish krona. Although it won acclaim in Denmark and Sweden, the film was banned in the United States and heavily censored in other countries for what were considered at that time graphic depictions of torture, nudity, and sexual perversion.

Grace

Last night I made Logan a mix cd. It was really fun, I haven't made someone a mix cd in years. I listened to it after work on my way to the gym. I drove over the Burnside Bridge and the fog was so amazing over the river... and downtown. I wish I'd had my camera. This song was the best to drive to:

Oh and once I was downtown I saw this guy welding (?) something onto a building and tons of sparks showered down onto him. I wanted to watch forever but I didn't want to get in a car wreck.

Tonight Logan and I watched the movie Grace.

It was insanely disturbing. I have a weird relationship with horror movies. I need to read more theory... I just google searched and read this.
Now I'm in bed, wearing a red velvet one piece pajama suit that I got at a thrift store. My belly is full of cookies and I am thinking nice things about my boyfriend and I am happy it's the weekend. I feel happy. Thanks October 22nd. You were a good day.

be for me

, originally uploaded by ashley & traci.

The constant and memorable. I mean, momentary.

Be for Me.
[...] even the hardness,
of rain falling
will have for me

something other than this,
something not so insistent —
and I to be locked in this
final uneasiness.

Love, if you love me,
lie next to me.
Be for me, like rain,
the getting out

of the tiredness, the fatuousness, the semi-
lust of intentional indifference.
Be wet
with a decent happiness.

-- robert creeley

Happiness

My mom sent me a text message that said "Gerald had a very slight stroke sun. I guess & now noreen called. Expecting him to die today. All kids with him. Im going to shower then go be with jackie. She is confused. I love you."
I called my grandparents. My grandma said "Well, I'm going to lose my brother today." I said I'm sorry, that this has been a horrible week. She said, "He had a good life and was happy, that's how you have to look at it at this age." My grandpa said, "Do things while you're young."

I met Logan at the gym and we completed our third week and second day of running! yay. One more day to go this week and we're onto week four! We started the Couch-to-5k program and quit for awhile and have returned. I didn't want to do it at all this morning and I did.

I have this book by Charles Schulz that I got at Goodwill called "Happiness is a Sad Song." The last page says "Happiness is knowing you've made it through one more day."



Been listening to nothing but Lightning Dust for two days.

Moon

I left work early and slept through my training. I got a full, awesome, uninterrupted 10 hours of sleep. When I woke up Mary and I went to see the movie Moon at the Laurelhurst. It was really really good. Clint Mansell wrote the score (he did Requiem for a Dream too) and the music has been in my head all night.
Afterwards Mary and I went to the Peninsula Park rose garden. Most of the roses are dead, so it was a bunch of twigs and an occasional rose. The street lamps looked really nice with the mist in the air. We found an amazing tree with tons of leaves falling from it and tried to take a picture of Mary throwing them up in the air. It was hard to coordinate with my camera's flash, but fun to try.

takin care of business

Today I ruled by going to the gym after work and finally going back to Spanish class and also taking my cod liver oil. All those things were making me feel pretty invincible tonight when I was walking down the sidewalk. Then I took a step off a curb and fell down and skinned my knee. At work now. I am working until 1pm tomorrow. 12 hours to go. cups of coffee so far: one.

Liepold Farms

Logan, Sophie, Lillian, and I drove to Boring, OR to get a pumpkin from Liepold Farms. I took a sippy cup with spiced apple cider. Logan and I were fighting, Sophie was going on one hour of sleep, Lillian was worried about inconveniencing a friend because we were running late. The person we were following kept taking the wrong exits and changing lanes with no warning. Traffic was backed up a mile away from the farm entrance. When we got there we all stood around not quite sure what to do. I got a pumpkin milk shake and felt disgusted with myself 2/3 of the way through. I gave it to Logan. I asked him to take a picture of me in my orange shirt in front of a giant pumpkin with a pumpkin patch in the background. He included my whole body in the picture. My body looked pale, lumpy, fat, shapeless. I yelled at him for taking the picture wrong. "What do you want to do?" he kept asking. I said "I don't know." I did know-- I wanted to lay down in my bed with the lights off and cover myself up with blankets and stay there forever. Not be standing in mud, surrounded by screaming kids, hating the feel of my clothes and my body. He walked away and I looked at my phone and thought of texting Dave. At that moment my mom called. I answered and she said "Nancy died" and I said "I was just about to send her a card" and I started crying, hard. Logan gave me a hug and moved my sunglasses to wipe off my smeared make-up. Lillian ran up and asked, "Want to go in the corn maze?" and I said "Yes" and I bought tickets to a hay ride, too.

Grindhouse Film Fest

I went to see the 36 Chambers of Shaolin at the Hollywood Theater. Inspiring, right? I should be like that guy and jump in a pond a million times until I can do something right. Go into hiding and train for five years.

Kentucky

This morning in bed I started thinking about Kentucky, a restaurant in Buenos Aires, Argentina that I went to a lot. I went to Buenos Aires over a year ago and I never wrote about it, so I wanted to blog about this while it was in my mind. Seems like a good idea to try and record some memories before they all completely fade.

While I was there I lived in Almagro, on the corner of Mario Bravo and Lavalle.



I lived about five blocks from a restaurant called "Kentucky." Stephy took me there for the first time. She had gone there with Agustina and shared a huge milanesa and fries and a beer for crazy cheap. When we went we just got a couple slices of napolitana pizza, probably. Pizza in Argentina is very cheesy and thick and pretty bland. I started salting my pizza when I was there.

Stephy and I went there all the time. We had so much girl talk at that restaurant. Once we ordered some chicken to share and decided to get salad because we couldn't remember the last time we'd had vegetables. When it arrived (some measly lettuce and one tomato) we salted it and devoured it with our fingers. We asked for water from the tap (something unheard of, because they always give you bottled water and charge you) and they gave it to us. The waiters were incredibly nice and curious about us. Whenever one of us went separately, they'd ask where the other one was. They introduced themselves and asked where we were from. When I told one waiter that I had an accent that was impossible to understand, he said if someone wanted to and tried, they could. It's hard to explain but basically the vibe there was just patient and nice, not annoyed.

We often went there for dinner on "American time" which probably made us a rarity too. Whenever we went to eat, at 6pm or whenever, the place would be pretty empty (except for some people watching soccer.) Once we went there at midnight and it was so packed and bustling. I thought it was so incredible to be eating somewhere late at night and have it be so alive.

I had my last meal (other than the airport) at Kentucky. I went there with Sam and Kait right before a cab was supposed to come pick me up at my apartment. I don't remember eating anything but I got a liter of quilmes. The taxi called while I was still at the restaurant. I finished my beer and left.

Here are some pictures of a menu, the awesome pictures of food on the wall, and me and Estephy with a waiter.

oh please don't go we'll eat you up we love you

Today I saw Where the Wild Things are and then went to a park and played swords with sticks and threw clumps of grass and then tried on Halloween costumes and then took a nap.

Joey Comeau and Grizzly Bear

I went to see Joey Comeau and Zack Vandezande read from their books at Reading Frenzy. There was free beer and I was right next to the beer table, so I got a little tipsy. After the reading when Joey Comeau was signing my book I said things like "I had to wait a long time" and "I drank the free beer" and he said "feeling a little goofy eh?" He also said that maybe he had a speech impediment and not a Canadian accent. Zach Vandezande read some short stories that are on his blog and then he read from his book.... I LOVED his short stories a lot.



When that was over I went to see Grizzly Bear play at the Crystal Ballroom. I met Kait and a friend of hers there. The concert started really early and was over really early. We walked to Voodoo donuts afterwards and Kait and her friend talked about domain names. They shared their bacon maple bars with me and it was awesome. Then I conned Logan into picking me up and we watched part of Friday the 13th together. I fell asleep.... I am holding out for the 3rd one in 3d though.

A good time... two of my favorite things within like five blocks of each other on the same night. Portland rulez.

stuff that rules

pretty much everything on whorange.net but especially:

Mark Ryden's snow yak show

constellation embroidery


this chick (i want to be her)
ahhh 20 minutes until my weekend starts.

what i want for breakfast

With, you know.. a Starbucks dulce de leche latte and a McDonalds dulce de leche ice cream cone.
And these for good measure:

Sarah Vowell

I went to see Sarah Vowell on her Wordy Shipmates paperback tour at the Powell's in Beaverton. It was weird because that Powell's is in a mall. Also, apparently these high school kids in IB history got extra credit if they attended, so there were a ton of teenagers around. I had a seat in the back and couldn't hear or see that well. Plus it didn't seem that much different from just reading that book (which I thought was awesome) or seeing her on Jon Stewart last week. Then again, I was probably just antsy because my phone was dead and I was trying to find coverage for a work shift so I could take a last minute trip to San Francisco. I ended up leaving the reading early to call like five coworkers and see if they could cover for me. Nobody could. San Francisco would've been so awesome this weekend, I *just* read the line-up for the Treasure Island Music Festival last night and immediately started trying to figure out how to get there. Not to mention a friend just moved there so I'd have a place to stay, and the fact that I've wanted to visit SFO for a million years now... oh yeah, and a friend is driving down there tomorrow so we could've gone together. And, the whole I love Beirut SO MUCH and he is playing there and nowhere else. Ugh. Oh well.

Probably the best part of going to Powell's was the drive to-and-from. I hardly ever drive on the interstate and I always get lost-- but last night I drove on the interstate and didn't get lost. It was a beautiful night, rainy and warm and really bright. I love driving on the Fremont bridge.


When I got home my key broke off in the lock. The key looked so strange afterwards. I went to work early and every single girl was out of bed, they were all up and screaming about spirits and spiders. I read Stranger in a Strange Land and watched part of The Corpse Bride. I am soo tired, I dozed off during the movie and when I woke up my ass was completely numb. I have to snap out of it though so I can have fun tonight.

Mum's Kitchen.

The food carts in Portland rule. I finally went to the one super close to my house, Mum's Kitchen. It's owned by a woman who moved here from South Africa last year and she makes delicious South African/Indian food. She let me sample a ton of stuff and offered me a samoosa. While it was frying she asked if I'd ever been to South Africa. I said no and that I thought it wasn't safe for tourists. She replied that it wasn't, and that the violence was why she moved away. I think she said she was from Durban, which looks pretty cool.
When I got to work I skimmed the South Africa page on wikipedia. 52 people are murdered every day in South Africa. A woman born in South Africa has a greater chance of being raped than learning how to read.

I had some idea of that when we were talking but I didn't know how to mention it. She said she hoped that the World Cup in 2010 would improve things. She also said that a lot of people from South Africa are living in Portland, and that they all flock to her cart on the days when she makes lamb samoosas. I'm excited to try them after work.

Calcium Carbonate

Today I had a follow-up appointment with my naturopath. She said she had a few remedies in mind but she had a few questions first. She said this after I had been there for fifteen minutes..I thought my appointment was thirty minutes long, and that we were halfway through.

She asked, "What are your fears?" I can't remember what I said. Something like "saying the wrong thing?" probably. Or, you know, "having a worthless life?" She asked, "What are your interests and hobbies?" I said reading, literature, poetry, music, traveling, culture. "Why are they important to you?" Um.. because they express different ways of life, different experiences, they capture one moment or one feeling and create meaning (and stuff, I guess)...? She continued with stuff like: How do you feel about animals? Have you had any experiences with homesickness? Tell me about that. Was there anything in your childhood that was particiularly difficult? With every answer she would ask, "And what is the worst part about that?"

(I'm saying this to a woman I have only met one time before. I am sitting across the desk from her, she's staring at her laptop screen and typing. I've started staring at the floor and speaking more quickly and softly. I'm pausing to say "I don't know" and ending my sentences as questions. In between my answers I sit for a minute or more while she stares at the screen and then asks me another question.)

After two hours she decided on a mineral remedy: Calcarea Carbonica, or Calcium Carbonate. When I got home I typed "calcium carbanate homeopathy" into google and found the most insane website ever. It just has a huge index of ailments that can be treated with calcium carbonate, that sort of reads like a James Joyce poem from hell.

For example:
Same disagreeable idea always arouses from light slumber
Starts at every noise; fears that she will go crazy
Horrid visions when opening eyes
Ideas crowding in her mind prevent sleep
generalities; sensitive; intolerance of clothing;
cough; when playing music; playing piano; ;
mind; emotions, feelings, attitude, disposition;
boredom, dissatisfaction (see loathing of life); weary of life
(see boredom, dissatisfaction, loathing, etc.); while perspiring; ;
mind; desires, wants; desires to be mesmerised;
mind; emotions, feelings, attitude, disposition; sensitive,
oversensitive; horrible things, sad stories, affect her profoundly;

Other websites were simpler and said things like "flabby, sour smelling."

Maybe it's all bullshit (I don't really think that) but I've been in a tired and crappy mood since then (sad stories affect her profoundly). I've been focusing on this quote--“The strangest and most fantastic fact about negative emotions is that people actually worship them.” (P.D. Ouspensky)--and you know, trying not to do that. ESPECIALLY because I want to focus on doing stuff and stuff I like, not my mind; emotions, feelings, attitude, disposition; unhappy; sadness, mental depression;.

So after my appointment I made roasted autumn vegetable soup that ended up looking like turnip puke. Then I skipped my Spanish class and then I was mean to my sick boyfriend. Then I got in my car and had about six drags from a red Fantasia and listened to Robyn and drove to work. Now I'm sitting here drinking coffee and thinking the TS ELiot line from The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock in my head over and over again--
"I have measured out my life with coffee spoons."

ee cummings

"life, the question how do i drink dream smile

and how do i prefer this face to another and
why do i weep eat sleep--what does the whole intend"
they wonder. oh and they cry "to be, being, that i am alive
this absurd fraction in its lowest terms
with everything cancelled
but shadows
--what does it all come down to?     love?     Love
if you like and i like,for the reason that i
hate people and lean out of this window is love,love
and the reason that i laugh and breathe is oh love and the reason
that i do not fall into this street is love."

Blue Heron French Cheese Company

I woke up around 5am and saw the sun rising over the ocean out of the motel window. I tried to make myself get up but I passed out again for a few hours.

Logan somehow convinced me to run into the ocean and then the hot tub. Just putting on my wet bathing suit was brutal! It was fun running on the beach, especially since we've both had Where the Wild Things Are in our brains.

After we checked out of the Silver Sands we wandered around the little town and went into the Thundercade. We played some hunting game forever (and shot at wolves), before discovering a way more awesome game where you just have to shoot peanuts into zoo animals' mouths. Much better!

On our way back to Portland we stopped at the Blue Heron French Cheese Company. Rad place with wine and cheese tastings and a petting zoo! It turns out I love animals but am also scared of them. At least putting my hand up to their mouth when I don't know them. Also, some goats almost strangled me while trying to eat my scarf.

Right outside of town we followed wooden signs that only said "Apples" and had arrows for five miles. I got a delicious $5 bag, and enjoyed the sunset on the country roads. Perfect weekend.

Rockaway Beach

On Saturday Logan and I drove to Rockaway Beach. I burned Robyn, Karen O and the Kids, Girls, Outkast, and the Dodos for the drive. We listened to the Robyn cd at least three times. Such a pretty drive! We stopped at the Tillamook Cheese Factory to get ice cream. I got a scoop of mango sorbet in a cone and on the way out to the car the whole scoop fell on the ground. So sad. When we got to Rockaway there were all these tents everywhere, apparently it was the weekend of the Rock festival? This seemed to involve corn dogs, live music, and weird crafts... I'm not certain though because we didn't pay the $5 admission.

We made ourselves at home at the Silver Sands motel by drinking a growler of Deschutes' Hop Trip and throwing pictures around. We discovered the previous guests taped white paper with drawings on it to the back of the hotel art. Coolest idea ever. Later we drove to Garibaldi for dinner. The only restaurant on the water was this place called "Pirates Cove" that looked like a dump from the outside but sold $100 lobster tail. After dinner I was soooo full I couldn't really make myself do anything. We divulged in a guilty pleasure at the motel room later: cable television.

Pittock mansion

This morning I woke up and walked down to SCRAP to get some frames for my Peanuts book. Gloria was having knee surgery so I made these for her and dropped them off at her house with Andy:

Then we went to the Pittock mansion, a "French Renaissance chateau in the West Hills." Henry Pittock published the Oregonian and rode his bike around, and his wife Georgiana worked to improve the lives of women and children. Andy and I walked around the grounds trying to decide if we wanted to pay the $7 to get inside-- we did, and it was totally worth it. And, they were hanging Erte prints which were totally awesome.




Afterwards I met Erica at Jake's downtown. She fed me a mussel. They look funny.

From there I walked across the Burnside bridge to hang out with my man.

horseshoes

This morning after work I drove to Logan's house. Walking down his alley, I noticed this for the first time:





Logan and I celebrated October by watching a zombie movie and eating pumpkin poppers from Noah's Bagels.



Around 5pm I didn't bother turning the right way down the street because traffic was so bad. I just followed some cars, driving farther and farther away from my house. They led me to this:





It was empty except for the old man playing horse shoes by himself.

Back in my car I listened to a Townes Van Zandt song on a mix tape.



If I needed you/Would you come to me,/Would you come to me,/And ease my pain?/If you needed me, I would come to you/I'd swim the seas for to ease your pain.

Now I am in bed, g chatting.

worried shoes

I finally got the Where the Wild Things Are soundtrack, and Karen O covers Daniel Johnston's Worried Shoes. Daniel Smith and Sufjan Stevens did it too, here.

Worried Shoes - Yip / Jump Music (1983)

I took my lucky break and I broke it in two
Put on my worried shoes
My worried shoes
And my shoes took me so many miles and they never wore out
My worried shoes
My worried shoes
oo oo oo oo oo oo oo oo oo oo
My worried shoes
I made a mistake and I never forgot
I tied knots in the laces of
My worried shoes
And with every step that I'd take I'd remember my mistake
As I marched further and further away
In my worried shoes
oo oo oo oo oo oo oo oo oo oo
My worried shoes
And my shoes took me down a crooked path
Away from all welcome mats
My worried shoes
And then one day I looked around and I found the sun shining down
And I took off my worried shoes
And the feet broke free
I didn't need to wear
Then I knew the difference between worrying and caring
'Cause I've got a lot of walking to do
And I don't want to wear
My worried shoes

just another diamond day

Today is an end-of-week work day for me, so I didn't get out there and do anything. I did wander around two of my favorite stores, though.

I bought myself some herbal tea sachets from New Seasons.

And a pomegranate from Trader Joes.

The sun set on my drive home, nothing but color and chimney smoke in the air.

I watched this short, I think it's amazing: http://foreversnotsolong.com

hoop dreams

First blog post! I've been thinking about forcing myself to go somewhere new everyday, or see or do something new everyday, and then record it in a blog. Kait's 40 days of awesomeness inspired me to actually start.

Today was definitely awesome. A perfect fall day: 69 degrees and sunny, leaves just starting to turn.

Dave made a top 100 songs list the other day and included Late by Ben Folds. It's Ben Folds' tribute to Elliot Smith. I love the verse: Elliot, man, you played a mean guitar/ and some dirty basketball/ the songs you wrote/ got me through a lot/ just want to tell you that.

Today after breakfast I asked Logan if he'd teach me how to play basketball. I meant sometime eventually in the future, but he said "sure, let's go." So went to Fred Meyer and bought a basketball and went to the park. I have NEVER played basketball before.

We went to the courts and I lobbed a basketball around (throwing it from behind my shoulder, mostly, and grunting everytime just to get it four feet in the air.) Awesome!