A Wolf at the Table

I just finished A Wolf at the Table. I've been googling my dad's name and e-mail address and the name of his girlfriend with the words "New Mexico" or "Santa Fe" or their names and any combination of information about them that I know. Nothing comes up except for two posts by him on two different message boards, from 2006 and 2008, looking for some used auto parts. A third forum post by him is asking for a picture of Christ healing a deaf person. I guess I have to get this sorted out. This step-dad/dad thing. Whenever M brings up my dad she brings up the fact that maybe I will regret not talking to him and it makes me feel extremely angry. But tonight, on Christmas, when L told me he was leaving an hour before I thought he was going to, I dissolved into a huge sobbing mess for an hour, saying things like "no one cares about me." That is embarrassing when it is typed out. I have to figure some of this stuff out.