i miss la playa!

hoy

all over the place today.

great day! brunch, birthday hats and cakes, piano playing, game of hearts at the waypost, friends, cranium, tons of laughing and sunshine.

plus fighting with logan and no sleep.

was asking about my theme at brunch and someone suggested y2k, generator jokes. i didn't say anything. thought about earl when i was laying in bed, the layout of that house. thought about how scared i was all the time. living in a house full of loaded guns. including one in the car and one under the bed. wanted a hug. kept thinking logan was coming up the stairs but it was always my roommates. blahblahblah.

found carla morrison. obsessed with her. thought in spanish a little today. talked a lot in spanish yesterday.

beautiful day, beautiful sky. clear night.

gushing happiness

This weekend L and I stayed in a bed and breakfast right outside of Mt Rainier National Park.
It was incredibly relaxing and reinvigorating. The place was perfect. Perks of a hotel (restaurant, maid service, sense of anonymity) but with a homey common area and yard that made it feel like I was on vacation at my grandparents.
It was nice being lifted out of our daily routine, and remembering how good we are together, no matter where we are.
It gave us the peace and quiet and privacy that I've been craving, so we could have some really amazing heart to hearts. We were able to talk about things that we've needed to talk about for about a year. And even before the heart-to-hearts, I had such a good time getting drunk together and having rambling and enthusiastic conversations.

I kept telling my brain to memorize what it was like to stand in the sun and look at the mountains and trees. So when the day-to-day gets to me I can go back there.

Bursting with epiphanies all weekend: about my childhood, being an adult now, my future as a nudist, the negative thoughts that creep into my brain. The barbed wire I wrap my feelings in.

A supreme tranquility washed over my soul. I know I can't keep it, but I hope recording it helps.

I'm going to stop cutting my hair.

I've decided on a wildly ambitious Lent.
This Lent I am giving up chocolate and lattes in to-go cups. And I have to not use my car one day a week. And I have to do the couch potato to 5k program.
OHMYGODCANTWAITTILEASTER

february

I turned my computer on to write something, but I've just been looking at facebook.

I felt a lot today. And thought of lots of things I wanted to write down. Now trying to look back and remember...

I've been feeling depressed, horrible... in a rut. Staying in bed. Being mean.

And now I feel better.

It's like that, I guess. Ups and downs.

Today was beautiful. Sunny, some rain, warm. It's an awkward time of year. I saw some tiny little blossoms poking up out of the dirt today. And then drove passed a house that still had Christmas lights on.

Spring!, but the Winter Reminder. Light at the end of the tunnel. Time for resolutions. New resolutions, all the time. New Resolutions All the Time that I always Mean. That I will Keep.

Sophie suggested that I write about the dad-facebook thing so instead I signed up to work eight days in a row. Home at midnight, back to work by 8am. No time..